Journal 4: Feelings if you only kne

Too many times in life I have been hurt by others. No one understands my feelings or thoughts as it pertains to life.  So what are my true feelings? Why do I feel I get hurt?  It is simple, my true feelings are what make who I am. I am a caring person who wants to be liked. But a caring person that will not force anyone to like me.  There are times when my feelings are so hard to handle that my own family does not want to be around me.

The feelings that I speak of are those that show others how passionate I am about others and making sure that those in my life are cared for and know that they have meaning. As I look at my field of education while in college. I am in the medical field? Why you ask, because of those feelings of care, compassion and wanting to help others that are in need.

So the hurt, well that comes from those that do not understand that my own feelings are true and are genuine. I have had so much hurt in life from obstacles and those that have passed away that the hurt is there. So that hurt is one that can not always be taken away. The hurt that hurts, is the hurt of a friend that does not listen to you or assumes the wrong of you.  That hurt is one that is hard to recover from. Because that hurt is not physical hurt but emotional and emotional hurt, hurts more each day, compared to the physical hurt that can hurt immediately and then heal.

Journal 3: Its me, Its me !

Why don’t people understand me or understand what I mean? Is it hard to see that I am a very transparent person?   I am who I am and will always be that person. I do not try to come off sarcastic but direct and honest at all times. But so many times, people do not understand my tone of voice. However, it is even harder to understand me because of technology.

I am not a vocal person, one that wants to be on the phone. I am more of someone that likes to text. Why you ask? Because through text I can express my thoughts without being judge. In text I can keep a journal of the words that were said. In text, I can reference what was said to me so that I do not take the meaning out of context.

The other day, a friend of mine had an argument about what was said in a group setting. I know what I said and I know what was said to me. But face-to-face the words were changed to make it seem like I was in the wrong. Text, well that could not be changed. Text showed that I was not lying. Text showed that I was not being sarcastic. Text showed that I was being me and only me like I said I am.  So as I said it is me, it is me. I am who I am and will be in person and in text. If you do not understand what I mean then take the time to read what I said. Take the time to listen to my words and the tone.

Journal Entry 2: Take a Picture

Take a picture it will last longer! That is right take a picture and don’t stare at me! That is how I feel when it comes to talking to people that are not really interested in talking to me to know me but have other hidden agendas.  Yeah, you heard me other hidden agendas, like trying to talk to me to see if I can be of benefit with work, or even better to get closer to a friend of mine. 

I have been guarded all of my life because so many times when I think that someone wants to be my friend or get to know me that is not the case. People wonder why I live a private life, well this would be why. It seems like yesterday, that I just wanted to tell someone to take a picture it will last longer. 

Yes, that person who I started talking to that seemed to be interested in getting to know me and wanting to be a friend decided that was not their own agenda. Started chatting via social media, talking on phone and even hanging out with each other and groups of people. It all seemed to be good, but what seemed to be good was just what I wanted to be good. 

So again, take a picture! If you want to be my friend then be my friend be honest, be open and show that you care. You don’t have to show you care based on what you do but based on your actions. As the old saying goes, “Actions speak louder than words”. So show me that you are a friend and don’t tell me.  Better yet, don’t judge me or criticize me get to know me, or if you really don’t want to know me then again, “Take a Picture it will last longer!” 

Journal Entry 1: Why a diary?

The Samuel Pepys diary video in week three provided a better understanding as to why a journal or a diary is important. Samuel Pepys kept a diary of major life changing events that affected him and others while living in England. So why would I want to keep a diary? Why would I want to write down what happens daily?  Well, after watching Samuel Pepys video it is important for me to keep my own diary. I can not control much, except for me and only me. I can not control time; I can not control the days.  So since I can not control either of those I need to keep track of my days and what happens. A dairy is not just a journal of how I feel or what happened, but can be a gift that I can give to my own children.  So again, I ask myself why a diary? It is not about me or about keeping track of my own doing but about what I can pass along to other generations in my own family and my children of what I experienced and the type of life I lived so that they can see the difference in how time has changed each individuals lifestyle, morals  and ethics to that point.

Writing as Self-Reflection

Writing as Communication 

What does it mean to be “writing as communication”?  It means to write in a way that guides others in the direction as to where you want to lead them. “ When we wish others to understand what we have written or to accept what we have put down on paper, we are faced with the responsibilities inherent in the desire to communicate rather than to express.” This means that writing is a responsibility that provides a message to the reader as to what is not implied but meant in the reading. Also, when writing it is important to think of the reader as a consumer. A consumer is a person that is looking to make a purchase or is in need of something and will make an immediate decision. The writing of an individual has to be the same. It has to provide a sense of meaning and want that the reader will not want to put down the material but instead keep reading trying to find additional time to keep the material in their hands and not setting down until they are finished. “All of us are consumers of ideas even more than we are producers of ideas. It is to the difference between the two concepts that I would call your attention, for it is to our failure to draw this distinction that I attribute much of the dissatisfaction that hovers over our teaching of writing.”

Goody-two-shoes is what I do not want to be

A Goody-two-shoes is what I do not want to be. A goody-two shoes really isn’t me. “Be willing to put your whole life on the line when you sit down for writing practice.”  Okay, a goody-two-shoes might actually be me. Knowing that there is a deadline and only so much time in the day I have to make sure that there is a plan in place from sunrise to sun-down.  A goody-two-shoes has always been me when it comes to any type of writing assignment. Not knowing what to write about, but knowing that the assignment due date was approaching has and still is a struggle. However, as I have transitioned out of high school and into the University life I have realized that there is no need to be a goody-two-shoes.  The only satisfaction I can get as a goody-two-shoes is the completion of the work, but not the satisfaction. So a goody-two shoes is not what I want to be, rather an out-sider. An outsider looking in rather than looking from the inside out, whos is trapped in a glass box. “Go into the cornfields. Go into your writing with your whole heart. Don't set up a system—"l have to write every day"—and then numbly do it.”